ORTC Articles

What is addictive thinking?

“I am absolutely powerless to control my use, maybe.” This is just one example of the addictive thinking, or “stinking thinking,” that can cause you to relapse. Addictive thinking involves a combination of negative attitudes, distorted thinking, and an intense resistance to change. While you were using drugs and/or alcohol, you probably invented all sorts of ways to deny and justify using while trying to avoid negative consequences. These same denying and justifying thoughts can threaten your recovery unless you are prepared to recognize them and replace them with the early recovery lessons you learned from the Twelve Steps: you are powerless against addiction, addiction is a disease that requires a spiritual solution, and you don’t have all the answers.

What are some examples of addictive thinking?

“I can have just one drink and then I’ll stop” is a good example of thinking that, on the surface, may sound quite logical. Additional consideration, however, immediately shows the idea to be completely illogical, given your past history of having “just one.” Telling yourself that you’ll turn over all your resentments except your anger at a particular person is a good example of stinking thinking. “All” means all; it doesn’t mean excluding a person or thing.

After a brief return to use, you might tell yourself that you understand where you got off track. You’ll do it differently next time. You won’t get caught in the same trap. You will find a way to control your drinking. This thinking undermines the lesson you learned in Step One: you are powerless over your addiction.

Other examples of stinking thinking can be found in thoughts such as “People who hang around AA and NA are losers who can’t find friends anywhere else” or “I’m sick of everyone trying to run my life.” When you defy, scoff, belittle, make excuses, or say things to keep people off your back, you are demonstrating a negative attitude. You are showing the world a kind of false pride, or grandiosity, that will only hurt your recovery in the end.

What are the consequences of addictive thinking?

Grandiosity is a natural outgrowth of stinking thinking. You find yourself thinking that the rules don’t apply to you.

You might think that the Twelve Steps are for others who aren’t quite as smart as you are. The truth is that it doesn’t matter how smart you are. People functioning at the highest intellectual levels are just as vulnerable to addictive thinking as anyone else. You may have justified your use by telling yourself that you’re not as bad off as others. Or you may have told yourself that others need to work hard at each Step, but you only need to do enough to get by.

Another consequence of addictive thinking is perfectionism. You set expectations for yourself that you can’t possibly reach and then beat yourself up when you fail. Perfectionism is a form of grandiosity. The addictive thinking goes something like this: “I will do it perfectly because I can, because I really am the exception, and because my intelligence and insight are unique.”

Addictive thinking leads to rigid thinking. You tend to view things in extremes—either black or white. Such thinking causes you to jump on a solution impulsively, leading you to conclusions and solutions that are probably incorrect, inappropriate, or just not helpful. In fact, you might be dead wrong, but distorted thinking will help you hide that reality from yourself.

Eventually your addictive thinking doesn’t make sense even to you. At this point, you stop caring that your thoughts and resulting behaviors are illogical and inappropriate to the situations at hand. You fall back on your substance-using rituals to find comfort. Deep inside you really don’t want to find solutions because chaotic emotions, relationships, and events in your life feed the “ reason” for your continued substance use disorder. The thinking at this point is “If others had it this bad, they’d use or drink too. I deserve some relief from this mess that life has handed to me.”

How can you avoid or overcome addictive thinking?

To avoid the return of addictive thinking, you must be diligent. Remember that the Big Book calls alcohol and other drugs “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” This means that you must work at honesty every minute of every hour of every day. What triggers your addictive thinking? Make a list of the people, places, and situations that may usher in the old distorted thoughts. If being with others who drink or use will lead you to “just one” thinking, you can avoid those people and situations. If you can’t avoid them, have a plan to honor your recovery goals, such as taking a clean and sober friend along. Limit the time and plan on doing something immediately afterward that you especially enjoy. The possibilities for the old thinking to return are endless, but so are the potential solutions.

To overcome addictive thinking, you must clear away distorted thoughts by rooting out lies, denial, rationalization, and minimization. You have to dig deep to find and let go of character defects like grandiosity and perfectionism. Intense isolation and loneliness are an inevitable result of addictive thinking. You become alienated from yourself and others in all areas of your life. You need to re-establish your connections, first with yourself and then with others. The first step to overcoming addictive thinking is to become honest with yourself. Not an easy task, as you know, but that’s exactly what the Twelve Steps will help you accomplish. With time and your best effort in working each of the Steps, you come to know yourself. In the very first Step, you are asked to accept the idea that your life has become unmanageable—your first venture into self-knowledge. Each Step takes you to another level of knowing and accepting yourself. As you develop a healthy relationship with yourself, you prepare yourself to do the same with others. These relationships are the connective tissue that forms your ongoing recovery reality check and support system.

What are the attitudes that will harm your recovery?

In addition to grandiosity, perfectionism, and rigid thinking, blame, shame, control, pessimism, hopelessness, and isolation will interfere with your recovery. Such attitudes involve a kind of negativity that drains your energy, pushes others away, and leaves you without external reality checks. You are left to your own thinking, which, when not examined either by yourself or others who know you, will allow distortions. Distorted thinking leads to a distorted idea of events and distorted solutions. Incorrect thinking paves the way for incorrect conclusions: “Just one won’t hurt,” “I can stop,” “No one will know,” “It’s really not that bad.”

Certain attitudes are a red flag for relapse. Watch for signs of self-pity, impatience, blame, rationalization, resentment, anger, and pessimism. Ask for help if you become overly sensitive to what others say and do, or if you suddenly find yourself full of righteous anger, or if you are laboring under thoughts of “Who cares?” or “None of this matters anyway.” These are the attitudes that lead to a return of addictive thinking, which can lead to relapse.

What are the attitudes that will help your recovery?

An attitude of trust in yourself, other people, and your Higher Power is needed to maintain your healthy recovery. To accept your powerlessness and unmanageability in Step One requires you to abandon your old reality. Although it sounds easy, giving up addictive thinking is hard. Even if it’s “stinking thinking,” it’s old, familiar, and therefore comfortable ground. When you let go of all the defenses and insane thoughts that held your reality together, what’s left? Cultivate an attitude of trust so you can be open and remain open to the perceptions and knowledge of others.

A spiritual openness is another attitude that will aid your recovery. Addiction occurs in a vacuum, when you used chemicals to fill an empty space. That space is a spiritual void that, if filled with addiction, will leave no room—or need—to satisfy your craving for meaning in your life.

Awareness of the moment will help you absorb what is real. Being present in the moment replaces any need to weave a fictional story that only you believe about your life. Work at telling the truth. When difficult feelings arise, take time to understand them. For example, if a vague sense of uneasiness turns out to be shame or guilt, what is causing the feeling? What truths can you tell yourself or another that will dispel the sense that what you’ve done or who you are is somehow deficient?

And finally, humility is an attitude that will allow you to question, listen learn, admit, assert, and clarify—whatever is needed to humbly admit wrongs and ask for help in letting go.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is the inability to make or allow mistakes. Perfectionism is a form of addictive thinking that leads to a negative cycle. You feel bad or inadequate about past mistakes, compensate by setting goals too high, make a mistake, and then feel inadequate once again. It’s a no-win situation and a setup to fail in sobriety. Yet recovering people tend to do this over and over. Perfectionism is another face of insane, or addictive, thinking.

Perfectionism brings much anxiety and stress to your recovery. The tension of trying to be perfect can permeate every act and thought every day. Do you really believe you can attain the goals you set for yourself? Why is it that you feel you must be perfect? Why should others be? What you expect of yourself is almost always transferred to everyone around you. When you feel tension in your day, ask yourself, “What will happen if it’s not done perfectly? Can I do it another way? If I make a mistake, is the consequence serious or minor? Does it really matter that much?”

The Twelve Steps are important in combating perfectionism. Working the Steps helps you cultivate an attitude of humility, which undermines perfectionism. Humble people don’t believe they are perfect. They accept that they can’t control everything and don’t know everything—and they rejoice in that knowledge. A huge weight will slip off your shoulders when you sincerely accept that a power or powers outside of yourself can help. Remember, the Big Book tells you that it’s progress, not perfection, that you seek.

What is a trauma-induced flashback?

Trauma-induced flashbacks often express themselves as mental pictures or feeling states that seem to occur in the present; however, they represent an event or feeling from the past. These flashbacks may occur on a regular basis. When they happen, you may feel “crazy” and “out of control.” If you do not understand the positive purpose of flashbacks, they can be frightening and even life threatening. But if you have an understanding of what causes these flashbacks, they can seem less mysterious, less painful, and more goal directed.

Trauma-induced flashbacks can develop in response to any type of unresolved life trauma, such as a car accident, rape, or sudden death of a family member. These flashbacks may have triggers, such as the anniversary date of the event or particular sounds or smells, but they may also occur without any identifiable trigger.

How can you treat a trauma-induced flashback?

Flashbacks can sometimes provide you with necessary information about the trauma that is not readily available in your conscious mind. To recover from a traumatic event, you must learn and accept the truth of the past. Often this truth was too horrendous to deal with at the time and was blocked from your conscious memory. Flashbacks can help you “unblock” your memories by showing you the truth. Many of those who experience trauma blame themselves. During a flashback, you may see the truth and experience how blameless you are.

When your flashback is over, take some quiet time to reflect on what the flashback may be trying to communicate to you. Write what you learn in your journal to later share with your therapist or self-help group members. If you have neither, share what you learn with a trusted friend. If your symptoms persist, seek help from a licensed mental health counselor.

To find a licensed mental health counselor in your area, visit the American Mental Health Counselors Association.

What is a drug-induced flashback?

Drug-induced flashbacks are an unsettling side effect of drug use that can be experienced in recovery. Drug-induced flashbacks are often described as short experiences of psychedelic symptoms that include visual images, intense feelings, or other experiences similar to those felt during drug use. Visual images may include seeing false motion on the edges of your field of vision, bright or colored flashes, or halos or trails attached to moving objects. These flashbacks can also involve distortions in time, physical sensations, or the reliving of intense emotions, such as anxiety or ecstasy that can last from a few seconds to several minutes.

If you have taken drugs such as hallucinogens or cannabis (marijuana), you may experience these flashbacks. Studies have shown that roughly a quarter of LSD and cannabis users experience some kind of flashback.

Drug-related flashbacks can occur suddenly and often without warning. They may occur within a few days or, in some cases, even within years after drug use has ended. These flashbacks typically occur in people who have used large amounts of drugs during a long period of time, but flashbacks can occur even in people who have used drugs occasionally. People who use hallucinogens such as LSD may experience relatively long-lasting mental disorders, such as schizophrenia or severe depression. The causes of these effects, which in some users occur after a single experience with the drug, are not known.

What causes a drug-induced flashback?

The causes of these flashbacks are not completely understood. Most likely, the use of drugs, such as hallucinogens or cannabis, affect the biochemistry of the brain. It is known that brain chemistry can be altered by drug use. LSD and other hallucinogens affect serotonin and dopamine receptor sites in certain parts of the brain. Even when drug use is ended, the brain may still respond in ways that resemble drug use, which is perceived as a flashback.

How can you treat a drug-induced flashback?

Since flashbacks seem to involve runaway dopamine activity in the brain, the most important thing to do when experiencing a flashback is to relax. Intense fear and panic will only increase the available dopamine and reinforce the intensity of the flashback. If you recognize the flashback as harmless, it probably will be.

Because flashback symptoms may be mistaken for those of other neurological disorders such as a stroke or a brain tumor, sufferers may consult a variety of clinicians before the disorder is accurately diagnosed. There is no established treatment for flashbacks, although some antidepressant drugs may reduce the symptoms. Psychotherapy may help patients relax and adjust to the confusion associated with flashbacks.

Support and understanding can be found in any of the Twelve Step groups, such as Narcotics Anonymous, that deal with drugs other than alcohol. Of course, continued abstinence from the use of illegal drugs is equally important in minimizing flashbacks and preserving peace of mind.

What is the Minnesota Model of treatment?

Imagine for a moment that it is 1949 and you or someone you love is alcoholic. As you struggle with this fact, you quickly learn there are only three outcomes to this situation. One is commitment to a locked ward in a mental hospital, sharing facilities with people diagnosed as schizophrenic. Another is a life of crime, which could mean years in prison. And third is a slow sinking into poverty and helplessness—perhaps life on skid row. In all three cases, you or your loved one’s condition would be denied, ignored, or denounced as evidence of moral weakness.

The year 1949 is significant because it marked Hazelden’s beginning. What started then as a guesthouse for alcoholic men has flowered into the prevailing method of treating addiction: the Minnesota Model. More importantly, this historic innovation offered alcoholics a new alternative to mental wards, jail, or homelessness.

It’s easy to forget that the Minnesota Model represents a social reform movement. The model played a major role in transforming treatment wards from terrible, hopeless places into places where alcoholics and addicts could retain their dignity. Hazelden began with the idea of creating a humane, therapeutic community for alcoholics and addicts. Once this idea was ridiculed; today it is seen as commonplace. The story of how this change has evolved is in large part the story of the Minnesota Model.

The model began humbly. During Hazelden’s first year of operation in Center City, Minnesota, the average daily patient count was seven, and the staff numbered three. The treatment program was just as bare boned, resting on a few expectations of the patients: behave responsibly, attend lectures on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), talk with other patients, make your bed, and stay sober.

It would be easy to dismiss such a program. Yet behind these simple rules was a wealth of clinical wisdom. All five rules focused on overcoming a common trait of alcoholics—something the founders of AA described as “self-will run riot.” People addicted to alcohol can be secretive, self-centered, and filled with resentment. In response, Hazelden’s founders insisted that patients attend to the details of daily life, tell their stories, and listen to each other. The aim was to help alcoholics shift from a life of isolation to a life of dialogue. This led to a heartening discovery, one that’s become a cornerstone of the Minnesota Model: alcoholics and addicts can help each other.

Throughout the 1950s, Hazelden built on this foundation by adopting some working principles developed at another Minnesota institution, the Willmar State Hospital. Among these were the following:

Addiction exists

This condition is not merely a symptom of some other underlying disorder. It deserves to be treated as a primary condition.

Addiction is a disease

Attempts to chide, shame, or scold an alcoholic or addict into abstinence are essentially useless. Instead, we should view addiction as an involuntary disability— a disease—and treat it as such.

Addiction is a multiphasic illness

This statement echoes an idea from AA—that alcoholics and addicts suffer from a disease affecting them physically, mentally, and spiritually. Therefore treatment for alcoholism or other drug addiction will be more effective when it takes all three aspects into account.

These principles set the stage for a model that expanded greatly during the 1960s, one that has been emulated worldwide and has merged the talents of people in many disciplines, including addiction counselors, physicians, psychologists, social workers, clergy, and other therapists. These people found themselves working on teams, often for the first time. And what united them was the notion of treating the whole person—body, mind, and spirit.

Today, the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation continues to explore the most cutting-edge research and practices in the addiction field, but still at its core is the Minnesota Model. Fifty years of service have not altered this foundation.

How does addiction affect family relationships?

Addiction is a family disease. One of the toughest aspects of addiction is the chaos you, the addicted person, bring to the family. Like any other illness, addiction elicits a multitude of emotions and behaviors from family and friends. They may become angry or resentful toward you for the hurt they experienced while you were in active addiction. They may have even been fearful that they would lose you to a divorce or that you would die as a result of your addiction. When your family members realized that they could not change your addictive behaviors, they likely felt completely powerless over their own lives.

Often family members feel personally responsible for holding everything together. They fear that if they don’t, the family will fall apart. This intense feeling of being personally responsible for you as well as the family is a huge burden— and it can lead to feeling victimized, angry, and full of blame.

Over time your family members may have adopted caretaking or enabling behaviors that, in the end, allowed you to continue alcohol or other drug use without incurring harsh consequences.

Enabling behaviors include the following:

• lying for the addict to protect his or her reputation with employers or friends
• assuming more responsibility around home or work to make up for the addict’s lack of contribution
• denying that the problem exists
• accepting blame for the addict’s behavior
• withdrawing physically or emotionally because of the stress caused by living with the addict
• continuing to support and be there for the addict, even when this person has become physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive

Many family members have gotten caught up in the dishonesty of trying to keep everything looking good on the surface, while this only allows the situation to continue unchecked.

It’s often true that as an addict you have caused any number of problems and brought harm to others. But family members will not gain anything from remaining stuck in the blame game. Instead, healing and balance will come for you and for your family members when they turn their energies toward think- ing about what they want for themselves, and when they learn to detach with love—to love you but reject your addictive behaviors.

How does addiction affect children?

Children can sense the danger in an addictive family and often know before the parents do that something is terribly wrong. Some children may respond to conflict by withdrawing or emotionally shutting down. Other children may rally to assume additional responsibility in the family to make up for the lack of support from the addicted parent.

How can you regain your children’s trust?

Remember, in early recovery your first job is to stay clean and sober. If you’re not clean and sober, you can’t be the trustworthy, dependable parent your children need.

It may take time for your children to trust you again. Your recovery may stir up lots of different emotions in them. They may react with hope and happiness, resentment and anger, or something in between. Be patient; allow your children to feel, express, and process these emotions.

How can you talk to your children about recovery?

Now that you’re out of treatment, you may not know exactly what to say to your children or how to interact with them. This can be a confusing time for children, and they may deal with hurt emotions by acting as if everything is fine or by being aloof and angry. Like most parents, you really love your children and want only the best for them.

Because you are a recovering addict, you might feel hypocritical talking to your children about the dangers of alcohol and other drugs or about things such as trust. Put those thoughts aside; your job as a parent is to inform and protect your children. If you send them honest, consistent messages, they will listen. One of the first things you can do to repair your relationship with your children is to help them understand what addiction and treatment are all about.

What is your family going through now that you’re sober?

Some family members believe that everything will be fine now that you are out of active addiction and working on recovery. Others may not instantly accept or trust you. They may wonder how long this new “recovery” will last. Either way, just because you are clean and sober right now doesn’t mean that the resent- ments, distrust, loneliness, and hurt are gone from your loved ones. In fact, now that they are not worrying about your use as much as before, they may be more present to the hurt and loss they sustained during years of living your addiction.

What can you do to improve family relationships?

Learn all you can about recovery

The more you and your family know about recovery, the more helpful you will be to each other. Consider attending a program together with family members to learn about addiction and recovery. Although taking time out for such a program is difficult, most people find it time well spent. It may also be helpful for you to attend an Al-Anon meeting and listen to the stories of those families struggling with active addiction in order to empathize better with your family’s side of the situation.

Encourage family members to accept powerlessness over addiction

One of the first tasks for family members is to admit they are powerless over the disease of addiction—they are no more able to control your addiction and its con- sequences with willpower than they would be to cure you from diabetes or any other disease. Admitting powerlessness will help your family members let go of shame, guilt, and resentments. It’s not anyone’s fault that you have the disease of addiction. Your family members could not control your addictive behaviors or make them go away through any amount of love, tenacity, or patience.

To admit to being powerless over anything is a difficult and humbling experience.

Set goals together

Although your family members are not responsible for your recovery, it may be helpful for you to set goals with supportive family members. Commit to participate in events, such as going to meetings, or to take certain actions (for example, calling your sponsor) each week. Ask your loved ones to hold you accountable to these agreements.

Protect your recovery

Protecting your ongoing recovery is one of the greatest things you can do for your family. You can help accomplish this by

• attending Twelve Step meetings on a regular basis
• finding a sponsor who has been in recovery for a while and who can serve as a guide
• seeing a therapist or psychiatrist regularly if you have a co-occurring disorder, such as depression or anxiety
• attending continuing care groups where different recovery topics are discussed

See a family counselor

Marriage and/or family counseling may be of benefit to you if you or your family has experienced difficulties with communication, trouble in balancing the demands of home and work, the loss of a family member, the stress of co-occurring disorders such as depression or anxiety, or childhood traumas. You may also wish to see a counselor to enhance your family relationships by learning such skills as effective communication, conflict resolution, assertive- ness, and time management.

How can you handle family events where alcohol is served or other drugs are present?

Family events, including holidays or other celebrations, can threaten your recovery if you don’t plan for them because they can cause increased stress, heighten emotions, create free time without structure, and cut off or limit your access to your sponsor or recovery support group.

Make it a priority to talk to your sponsor and lay out a plan for coping with family events and celebrations where alcohol or other drugs could be present. It’s easy to become busy or overconfident, taking shortcuts and not making recovery the priority. You forget that without abstinence from alcohol or other drugs you will lose all the things that are valuable in your life.

Recovery action Step

Talk to your sponsor or recovery support group. Make a relapse prevention plan to handle the triggers that you might encounter during family events, such as holiday gatherings.

Let your sponsor know if you may be in a tough situation during a family event. Make sure you have a way to leave the event if you feel your recovery is threatened.

Take another recovering person with you for support during the family event. Having someone there who understands your fears and urges is important. It keeps you accountable.

Web resources

Regular Twelve Step group attendance is another key resource for family members. Al-Anon, Alateen, and Adult Children of Alcoholics groups are available to help family members begin their own recovery process. These groups will help family members come to terms with reality, live in the moment, and take charge of their lives. Rather than react to addictive behavior, they will learn to focus on themselves and make meaningful choices. Below is information on and links to these groups, as well other family resources.

Al-Anon and Alateen

Al-Anon and Alateen members are people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking. The websites for these groups offer an online searchable directory of meetings in the United States and Canada.

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Adult Children of Alcoholics is a nonprofit organization that maintains services for those seeking to arrest the emotional disease of family alcoholism. This website offers a searchable list of meetings worldwide.

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation

The Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation offers a Family Program where family members can learn how to deal with the recovery of a loved one, while still taking care of themselves.

Talking With Kids About Tough Issues

Talking With Kids About Tough Issues is a national campaign by Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation. The website offers tips on discussing topics such as alcohol and other drugs, sex, violence, and HIV/AIDS with children.

What is pride?

“Pride” is a word with many definitions. The healthy pride you need is found in the delight or elation arising from an accomplishment or personal quality, a relationship, or a meaningful possession. You’ve got positive pride when you feel great about your achievements, abilities, and who you are.

Unhealthy pride is found in showy, disdainful display based on an inflated sense of self-esteem.

How can pride affect your recovery?

Healthy pride can help you gain self-respect, confidence, and healthy self-esteem. It will help you learn to love yourself again, which will help you learn to love others. All these benefits will boost your recovery.

Unhealthy pride can hold you back in recovery because it is just another expression of self-will run riot. When you are prideful because of an inflated sense of self, you are not able to practice humility, honesty, or acceptance, which are necessary building blocks in recovery.

Unhealthy pride can also keep you from asking for help and leaning on others for support. You shouldn’t have to go through recovery alone. Any time you go to a meeting you will find a room full of understanding people who have battled overconfidence, pride, and over-reliance on self-will. Talking with them will help you regain your sense of humor and belonging. You need help from others, from your Higher Power, your sponsor, and your recovery support group. Keep in close contact with these people. They will understand what you’re going through and hold you accountable to keep working on your recovery.

What is a sponsor?

During your treatment you’ve probably learned quite a bit about Twelve Step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Most likely, you’ve attended a few meetings and have been asked to find a meeting that you will go to regularly. During Twelve Step meetings, you probably have heard people refer to their sponsors. AA is built upon the premise that recovery begins when we become willing to share our stories with another human being. AA literature describes a sponsor as “an alcoholic who has made progress in the recovery program and shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through AA.”

Why do you need a sponsor?

A sponsor is a special person who can help you with the process of self-examination that the Twelve Steps call you to do. If you are a member of a Twelve Step organization, you need a sponsor. The great thing about having a sponsor is that you won’t have to go through recovery alone. A sponsor will be able to help you work the Twelve Steps and deal with issues in your recovery. Sponsors can help monitor your progress and keep you honest and accountable so you stay on the recovery path. When times of crisis arise, your sponsor will be there for you.

What does a sponsor do?

There are many roles a sponsor can play in guiding you through recovery. Here are some of those roles:

• A sponsor can help you work the Twelve Steps, sharing his or her experiences, guidance, and encouragement.
• A sponsor can help you integrate more quickly into a Twelve Step fellow- ship by explaining how a Twelve Step meeting works and by introducing you to other members.
• A sponsor is someone you can learn to trust and talk to. This person will listen and help you work through the difficulties of recovery.
• A sponsor can challenge you to read the Big Book, be honest in your self- inventory, and encourage you to grow as a person.
• A sponsor can be there in times of crisis.
• A sponsor can help you learn how to build positive relationships.
• A sponsor can call you on “stinking thinking” or let you know if you are “walking the walk” of recovery.
• A sponsor can support you in resisting the temptation to return to alcohol or other drug use.

What doesn’t a sponsor do?

• It is not a sponsor’s role or responsibility to keep you in recovery or to keep you sober.
• A sponsor is not the same as a counselor or therapist. Sponsors are not trained to counsel you in this way.
• The relationship between you and your sponsor should not become a dependent one. You need to rely on your Higher Power, the fellowship of AA, and others in your support network. Your sponsor’s job is to hold you accountable in building that network of support.
• A sponsor should not take advantage of or exploit you in anyway.

How should you choose a sponsor?

Choosing the right sponsor takes more than luck. Keep the following criteria in mind. When looking for a sponsor, choose someone who

• is your same gender
• has at least one year of continuous recovery
• is available to meet in person and talk on the phone
• has their own sponsor
• works the Steps
• is admirable in your eyes
• emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program

Keep in mind that it takes some time to develop the relationship between you and your sponsor. Be selective in who you ask. Having the right companion to guide you makes all the difference. If the task of finding a sponsor seems daunting, you may want to consider trying out a new sponsor on a temporary basis at first. That way you can get to know each other better before deciding whether it is a fit for both of you.

It may help to talk with others in your Twelve Step group about their sponsors. Others in recovery can share their sponsor experiences and offer guidance and recommendations. Once you have found someone you would like to consider as your sponsor, you will want to “interview” this person to see if your personalities are a good fit. It’s important to realize that sponsorship must work both for you and your potential sponsor.

Following are some questions to ask your potential sponsor:

• What has your experience been like as a sponsor?
• What are the important things you think you should do as a sponsor?
• What should you not do?
• What are you doing to actively work your Twelve Step program?
• Can you describe your own spiritual experience in the program?
• What would be your expectations or requirements of me as your sponsee?

In addition, feel free to ask any other questions that you think will help you get to know this person better. It is important to take your time in finding a sponsor; this is an important step in your recovery. In the meantime, be sure to find a “temporary” sponsor so you have that support in the interim.

Remember, if the person you are interviewing says no, it is most likely about that person (his or her schedule, workload, or commitment to other sponsees), and it’s not about you personally. Good sponsors take this role very seriously, and it may be that they need to take care of themselves by not taking on additional sponsees. Though this answer can be difficult, don’t let it stop you from finding a sponsor. Take action to meet someone else.

Recovery Action Step

Go to a Twelve Step meeting and look for someone to be your sponsor (if you don’t have one already). Ask that person for a phone number and meet with him or her. This will be your first step in finding a sponsor who will be a good fit for you.

Common questions about sponsorship

Is it okay to change sponsors?

It is fine to change sponsors, if you feel it is needed, but first be careful to exam- ine your reasons. Be sure that you aren’t changing sponsors because your current sponsor is challenging you in positive ways and you don’t like it.

Before making a change, do a personal inventory of the reasons why you want to change versus the reasons why you should stay with this sponsor. Reflect on this inventory for a while. Talk with others in your support network. Then, based on this thorough reflection, make a decision, but make a decision that will be best in helping you maintain sobriety.

Is it okay to have more than one sponsor?

There is no hard and fast rule that a person should only have one sponsor, but in general it is good to stick with one. If you have two, it will be tempting to always turn to the sponsor who is making it easiest on you.

In some cases, people who have had a long-term relationship with a sponsor who no longer lives in the area or is less available will continue that relationship while finding someone else more local or more available. If this is the case, you again need to look at the reasons why you are turning to a second person and make sure those reasons will support your sobriety.

Is it okay to have a sponsor who is not local?

In general, it is best to have a sponsor who is local. It is important to be able to physically meet with your sponsor. It is difficult to fully communicate all that needs to be said when you are not face-to-face, particularly when you are getting help working the Steps.

What if you need to change sponsors? How should you do that?

The reasons people have for changing their sponsors are varied. These may include a difference in personality, lack of availability, some unhealthy behavior such as being possessive or controlling, or a lack of trust, sometimes brought about by something this person did.

Whatever your reasons for wishing to change your sponsor, as in all aspects of working a Twelve Step program, honesty is best. You owe it to your sponsor for the time he or she has invested in you to be honest and explain your reasons for changing. Simply not contacting your sponsor is one way to end the relation- ship, but it isn’t the most honest way.

Even if the reasons you want to change sponsors are negative, it is still important to be honest in a respectful way. You are not doing your sponsor a favor by avoiding this discussion, and you are not learning how to handle these types of situations.

To help ease the situation a little, be sure to thank your sponsor for all that she or he has done. In addition, it is best to make this break by meeting with your sponsor privately. Don’t have this conversation in the presence of others.

Is it imposing on someone to ask him or her to be your sponsor?

When you ask someone to be your sponsor, you are actually helping him or her grow in recovery as well. One of the most important ways people grow in recovery is by working a Twelfth Step of service and giving back by being a sponsor.

There is also nothing more fulfilling than realizing that your own personal recovery experiences can be of help to someone else. You are actually allowing your sponsor to realize how important staying sober is, because it allows him or her to be a positive role model to others.

Why can’t you sponsor yourself?

It is important to realize that you don’t always see your life situation or yourself as clearly as others do. Allowing someone outside yourself to share his or her experiences and knowledge helps you gain insights that you may never realize on your own. It also is important to have this accountability. Often when using, you were using in secret and in isolation. Being accountable to a sponsor helps pre- vent this tendency toward secrecy and isolation.

What if your sponsor returns to chemical use?

If your sponsor returns to active chemical use, you should get a new sponsor right away. A sponsor only works if he or she is working an active recovery program of complete abstinence.

It can be a very painful experience to see someone you depend on for support return to use. Increasing your attendance at Twelve Step meetings and increasing your commitment to work your program may be helpful during this time. It is also important to realize that your success in this program is not dependent upon the success of your sponsor. You are working your own recovery program.

It can be a good reminder that all of us are only one drink or drug away from addiction, and we need to be vigilant in our recovery.

Do you have to do your Fifth Step with your sponsor?

Generally, it is a good idea to include your sponsor in your Fifth Step. This provides a good opportunity for him or her to really get to know and understand you. It will also help this person guide and support you. You should remember, however, that while the foundation of a sponsorship relationship is confidence and trust, there is no legal foundation or requirement of privacy. If you share things in your Fifth Step that might be very damaging to you, your family, or your career, you may want to consider sharing with someone other than your sponsor.

You can also consider doing a Fifth Step with a clergy member. Many of today’s clergy are very familiar with AA and the Fifth Step process. If they are not, you will likely find them very open to learning.

What if you’re in a crisis, and you can’t reach your sponsor?

If you are in a crisis, don’t wait to hear back from your sponsor. Take action and call someone else you know in the program. In your wallet, tuck a list of people you could call in an emergency. Although a sponsorship relationship can be a special one, there is nothing magical about it. Others in the program can help you too.

What if you find out that your sponsor is sharing your private, personal stories with others?

If you find out your sponsor is not keeping private things private, you should confront him or her. It will be up to you to decide if the relationship can be mended. If not, move on to a new sponsor.

The most important value in a sponsorship relationship is trust. Trust cannot be maintained without confidentiality. If your sponsor admits to telling others your private matters and tries to make amends, you will need to decide whether you can return to a level of trust.

What if you don’t agree with your sponsor?

You will not always agree with your sponsor, but it is important to thoroughly evaluate the disagreement. Is your disagreement is the result of your sponsor confronting you about something that is true but that you don’t want to admit? If so, it would be wise to be more open to hearing what your sponsor has to say.

If you still feel there is a disagreement, go to Twelve Step literature to see if anything has been said about the subject. If it is an issue that is addressed in the program, base your decision on what the program advises.

Sometimes a sponsor can make the mistake of thinking that what he or she has experienced and thought is what you are experiencing and thinking. If this is the case, it may be helpful to talk this through and explain how your recovery experience is different.

If you experience a number of disagreements that don’t fall into any of the previously mentioned categories, you may want to consider finding a new sponsor.

When can you begin to sponsor others?

You are probably ready to sponsor someone when you have done all of the following:

1. You have a solid foundation in your program, which usually means a minimum of one year of continuous recovery.
2. You have a sponsor.
3. You have worked at least the first five Steps.
4. You have read your fellowship’s basic texts and other major conference approved literature (for example, the Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions).
5. You attend meetings regularly.
6. You are working the Steps.

What are hallucinations?

Hallucinations are distorted perceptions of reality. A person having a hallucination may see images or hear noises that are not actually present. In some cases, visual hallucinations will cause a person to see light and color differently, while other times the distortion may be more dramatic. For example, a person who is hallucinating may experience paranoia or even “see” someone trying to harm them.

Hallucinations can also involve the senses of taste, touch, and smell, although this is less common. Drugs that cause hallucinations can also dull the user’s sense of pain and cause vivid—and sometimes scary—hallucinations, which can result in a fearful reaction of wild, violent behavior.

What causes hallucinations?

Hallucinations can be caused by a number of factors, including drug use. They can result from taking high doses of drugs such as LSD, mescaline, or PCP that affect the neurotransmitter serotonin. An overdose of stimulant drugs, including cocaine and methamphetamine, can cause sensory hallucinations; some users even report feeling bugs crawling on their skin.

In addition, hallucinations may occur when alcoholics abstain from drinking. Alcoholics often experience hallucinations thirty-six to seventy-two hours after withdrawal from alcohol.

People with Alzheimer’s disease, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia may also experience hallucinations as a part of mental illness.

Web resource

SAMHSA: Tips for Teens

The SAMHSA site provides clear information on the signs and dangers of hallucinogen drug use. It provides links to other sites on drug use prevention.

What are hallucinogens?

Hallucinogenic drugs alter a person’s thinking, sense of time, and emotions. Hallucinogens can cause people to see images, hear sounds, and feel sensations that seem real but do not exist (these are hallucinations). Some hallucinogens can produce rapid, intense emotional swings. Hallucinogenic compounds occur naturally in trees, seeds, fungi, and leaves and have been used during religious rituals for centuries. The compounds can also be made in laboratories.

The four most common types of hallucinogens are LSD, peyote, mushrooms, and PCP.

• LSD (d-lysergic acid diethylamide) is one of the most potent mood-changing chemicals. Discovered in 1938, it is manufactured from lysergic acid, found in a fungus that grows on rye and other grains.
• Peyote is a small, spineless cactus in which the principal active ingredient is mescaline. Mescaline is also found in other varieties of cactus as well. This plant has been traditionally used by natives in northern Mexico and the southwestern United States as a part of religious ceremonies. Mescaline can also be produced through chemical synthesis.
• Psilocybin is obtained from certain types of mushrooms that grow in tropical and subtropical regions of South America, Mexico, and the United States. These mushrooms (or “shrooms”) typically contain less than 0.5 percent psilocybin plus trace amounts of psilocin, another hallucinogenic substance.
• PCP (phencyclidine) is a dissociative drug developed in the 1950s as an intravenous anesthetic. Dissociative drugs cause users to lose connection with reality, experience memory loss, or enter a trance-like state, as well as hallucinate. Its use as an anesthetic has been discontinued due to serious adverse effects. It is a white crystalline powder soluble in water or alcohol. It is sold on the illicit drug market in tablet, capsule, and colored powder forms that are normally snorted, smoked, or orally ingested. It is a very dangerous drug. Depending upon how much and by what route. PCP is taken, its effects can last approximately four to six hours.

How do hallucinogens affect the brain?

Hallucinogens distort a person’s perception of reality. They disrupt the interaction of nerve cells and the neurotransmitter serotonin. Distributed throughout the brain and spinal cord, the serotonin system is involved in the control of behavioral, perceptual, and regulatory systems, including mood, hunger, body temperature, sexual behavior, muscle control, and sensory perception. In the brain, PCP also alters the actions of dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for the euphoria and “rush” associated with many abused drugs.

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) uses the term “phencyclidine use disorder” or “other hallucinogen use disorder” (depending on the substance) to define a pattern of hallucinogen use that leads to significant physical, interpersonal, medical, or work problems. It is rated as mild, moderate, or severe based on how many criteria are met. A person can also be classified as in remission, or what is commonly referred to as “in recovery.” Those with hallucinogen-related use disorder should receive treatment, and those who identify themselves as addicts often find the skills and support to stay sober through peer support groups like Narcotics Anonymous.

Addiction is considered a brain-based disease characterized by abnormal drug-seeking behavior that leads to impaired control over one’s drug use. Addiction means a person will continue using drugs or alcohol despite the harm it does to their health, family, work or school, and relationships. An addict may experience withdrawal symptoms (physical pain, fatigue, depression, trouble sleeping, irritability) if he or she stops using, and may need to keep using just to feel normal. “Curing” addiction is not a matter of willpower or moral strength any more than is curing diabetes or cancer. Like diabetes and cancer, addiction is considered a chronic disease which is beyond one’s control and fatal if left untreated.

How do hallucinogens affect a co-occurring mental health disorder?

Co-occurring disorders, or dual disorders, is when a mental health disorder, like depression or schizophrenia, is present along with addiction, alcoholism, or other substance use disorders. Screening for co-occurring disorders should be part of any good assessment or treatment plan.

People with co-occurring disorders, including serious mental health disorders such as schizophrenia, can seriously endanger themselves by becoming suicidal or violent when taking psychedelics or dissociative drugs. Because hallucinogens can distort one’s sense of reality, they are particularly dangerous for people struggling with mental health disorders.

Is addiction to hallucinogens treatable?

Yes. Most users of hallucinogens voluntarily decrease or stop its use over time or get help because of their experiences of “bad trips.” LSD is not considered an addictive drug since it does not produce compulsive drug-seeking behavior. However, LSD does produce tolerance, so some users who take the drug repeatedly must take progressively higher doses to achieve the state of intoxication that they had previously achieved. Hallucinogen users often find treatment later for addictions to alcohol or other drugs. Treatments for PCP users may take place as a result of legal or medical interventions for a life-threatening overdose.

Addiction won’t go away, like a cold or the flu. It is a chronic disease, meaning you have it all your life. However, by staying sober and getting ongoing support, recovering people can live normal, healthy, productive lives.

Web resources

There are many resources out there. The websites for the following organizations were chosen for their usefulness and user friendliness.

National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA): This government organization is dedicated to addiction research and education. Through its website you can access up-to-date publications about many different drugs of abuse as well as emerging trends.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) SAMHSA is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Its mission is to reduce the impact of substance abuse and mental illness on America’s communities. Its website offers information and resources about preventing and treating addiction and mental illness.

How does jealousy affect recovery?

Addicts, like most people, are complex. We project wholeness when inside we are empty. We feel jealous and act arrogant when we feel insecure. We work hard to get other people to like us when we don’t like ourselves. We are a mixture of contradictions.

Now that you are working on your recovery, watch out for jealousy because it can arouse emotions of fear, self-pity, anger, resentment, and frustration that will inhibit your spiritual development. If you take time to analyze your feelings of jealousy you will find in them a combination of all your imperfections. They may appear in mild or passive form, yet they are all there: self-pity, resentment, intolerance, dishonesty, criticism, suspicion, and anger.

To combat jealousy, start with a thorough Step Four and Step Five, which will allow you to discover and accept yourself with total honesty. Once you learn to be honest with yourself, you’ll more easily accept yourself and others in day- to-day life. As you gain experience in recovery, working Step Ten as a daily spot- check of your inventory will help you identify and snuff out jealous emotions before they inhibit your spiritual progress.

Your loved ones may also struggle with jealousy now that you are in recovery. They may be jealous of the close relationships you are developing with others in your Twelve Step program, especially if their own relationships with you continue to be strained. They may be jealous of the fact that your Higher Power is changing you in ways they could not. Recognize and validate your loved ones’ feelings while assuring them through your words and actions that you need and value your relationship with them.

What are the signs of compulsive gambling?

One warning sign of compulsive gambling is that the gambler begins to think constantly about gambling. His or her everyday life becomes centered on winning to the point where even lunch breaks and vacations are planned with gambling in mind. Family, work, and other aspects of life are ignored in order to spend time gambling.

Compulsive gamblers often try to hide their addiction to gambling and will not admit the extent of their gambling losses. They might borrow money from co-workers, sell possessions, or take out loans without stating the real reason they need the money. They often justify their actions by thinking that the next time they gamble they will win enough to pay back their debts.

As the need to repay their losses increases, compulsive gamblers often bet larger amounts of money. Continued losses can lead them into greater debt and depression, which can include suicidal thoughts. Moodiness and irritability are also signs of compulsive gambling.

What are the dangers of compulsive gambling?

Excessive gambling can lead to large amounts of debt. If you have been a compulsive gambler, you may have taken out loans and stacked up credit card bills to support your gambling habits. You may have borrowed money from friends, relatives, and co-workers, which leaves you feeling uneasy around these people when you can’t pay the money back.

Gambling can also lead to family and marital problems. Your spouse or partner may become angry when he or she realizes the extent of the financial problems that you both face. Family members may become irritated that you spend more and more time away from home, ignoring the needs of the family. This secretiveness can make the spouse or partner feel betrayed, causing the relationship to further erode.

Your job performance may suffer because your concentration is on winning, not on work. You may misuse your time at work by making “secret” phone calls (which are usually debt related), calling in sick in order to spend time gambling, and taking extended lunch periods to gamble. When compulsive gamblers are unable to find funds to support their addiction, some may even embezzle money from their company.

Compulsive gamblers often suffer from health-related problems as well, because they neglect their health while focused on gambling.

How can you recover from compulsive gambling?

Try to find a sponsor and a recovery support system that makes you feel comfortable and safe. Gamblers Anonymous (GA) can offer support based on the Twelve Steps, while Gam-Anon can help family members who have been affected by a loved one’s gambling addiction.

To maintain your ongoing recovery from gambling and other addictions, you’ll need to keep working the Twelve Steps. You’ve worked hard in early recovery; now it’s time to protect and plan for your ongoing recovery. Remember to work the Steps, utilize your sponsor and friends for support, and go to meetings. These things will help you develop and maintain a healthy, happy outlook on life.

Web resources

There are many resources out there. The websites for the following organizations were chosen for their usefulness and user friendliness.

Gamblers Anonymous (GA)

This website provides information about compulsive gambling, the history of Gamblers Anonymous, and the Twelve Steps. It offers a directory to help you find GA meetings in your state and a questionnaire to help you determine whether you have a problem with gambling.

Gam-Anon

Gam-Anon is a self-help organization for the spouse, partner, family member, or close friend of a compulsive gambler. It offers a directory of meetings indexed by state.